Photo courtesy of www.scientificamerican.com

Seriously I have succeeded in an unplanned new path! No, I’m not trying to trap a guy by getting pregnant. That’s not my thing. Mainly because my tummy is flat and I’d hate to stretch it out again.

I officially stand at a 100% success rate for successfully setting up people. I’m a matchmaker. I’m a human love connector. That shit deserves an award. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PEOPLE! That’s epic.

Let me share a specific story to illustrate my success.

My dear friend (and waxer) was single 3 years ago. So was a guy I worked with. Both had been in other relationships prior. And I’d had known both for many years before that.

One day I had a brilliant idea. I’d set them up.

So we did it. Sight unseen. They both agreed to meet for a cocktail. I agreed to join them with another decoy…the boy’s best friend.

That was July 3rd, 2007.

Soon it will be July 3rd, 2010. And guess who will be getting married that day? They will. Adorable, right?

Here’s my secret. I only set up people who will hit it off for the long haul. And by people, I mean two very specific people. SO WHAT that this is the only couple I’ve ever set up! It worked. And I’m taking all the credit.

Maybe I’ll get a free wax job out of this. Do they call those things wax jobs? Boy does that sound like something worse.

Tags: Dating, Friends, matchmaker, wedding

There are some things we all are passionate about.

I was at a friend’s house recently and felt super uncomfortable while peeing. Then I realized why. The toilet paper direction was opposite of how I keep mine.

I’m an over girl. Always. Under is just wrong. Thankfully all hotels agree with me or I’d have all sorts of problems staying in them. And if that were the case, I’d have to camp. Which would turn me into a hippie (see step #8). And I can’t do that!

I’ve been known to change the toilet paper direction at other people’s homes without realizing what I’m doing.

So please, tell me what you think. I’d like to confirm that I do it the right way so I can change the world. One roll at a time. Because that’s how I roll…small actions that eventually change the world.

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Tags: opinion, Poll, toilet paper

This has a lot to do with the price of rice in China.

Because when you order take out and you ask for extra spice, you will get this:

FOUR HUGE CONTAINERS OF RICE! And when I say huge, I mean it. I swear each one was stuffed full and weighed five pounds.

Clearly the order taker heard “we’d like extra rice” versus the intended “we’d like extra spice”.

So blame me if crazy things happen that can be traced back to the price of rice in China. And please, don’t tell Dr. Atkins what’s in my fridge. He’d have a heart attack.

Tags: Food, mistake, take out