Bastard Cat
By Susan Mercedes. Filed in Home |
He finally pushed me.
CAT FOR SALE:
He goes by Tom Tom, Tommie, Tom Tom Bomb, Thomas (in an angry voice), Tom and Kitten.
He’s a nice cat. Purrs loudly and frequently. He regulates his food intake. Likes to play with feathery toys and catch bouncy balls. He appreciates the outdoors and LOVES fresh birds and mice. He loves to bring the outdoors inside. By that I mean, bring fresh dead animals to his owner. Front nails must be trimmed regularly or he’ll scratch the shit out of you and your furniture.
He is litter box trained however toilet training was a complete FAILURE. His pee stinks. It stinks really bad even on my plush carpet. It also stinks and stains the bottom of silk curtains. But I suspect that his blood will stain my stuff worse. Trying to sell him before he is dead. Bastard cat.
He can’t be the smartest cat because he tried to cuddle with me last night. (This is after my entire house was urine soaked, or at least that is how it seemed.) I pushed him off the bed.
Cost: Whatever change is in your pocket plus I’ll throw in a full bag of cat food.
Tags: cat, dead cat, failure, toilet training
Monday, May 18th 2009 at 10:03 am
Eek! Is this new behavior for him? How long have you had him? I dunno what I’d do if my cats started peeing in the house. Probably everything under the sun to make it stop, and then I’d have to give up. No way I could stand that. Until I’m like 80, at least. Then I can’t smell, and I would probably be ok with being known as the crazy cat lady…
Susan Mercedes Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Misty: I’ve had this bastard cat for about 6 years. I often dream about what he would look like stuffed. Like stuffed and mounted on a wall. An 80 year old lady would be able to tolerate this cat. Know of any old ladies who want a cat?
Monday, May 18th 2009 at 10:25 am
God, you make it so hard to resist him. I’ll take him, but only if you pay me $500.
Susan Mercedes Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Kel: He’ll be on the next flight to San Diego with a urine soaked $500 check in his kennel. Thanks.