It’s All My Fault It’s Broken
By Susan Mercedes. Filed in Drinks, Home |
I need to preface this post by saying I’m so grateful to be able to have someone clean my house every other week. It is a luxury I budget for. And by budget (since I don’t really do that word) I mean make sure I won’t bounce the checks I write to her.
I found the perfect person to do it. She does a better job than I do. And cleaning my house is a chore I actually love. Well, loved. I haven’t done it in years. She is trustworthy. She is reliable. She is inexpensive. Oh, and she doesn’t drink alcohol so I never have to worry about my wine stash, beer on tap, or fully stocked bar. Trust me, this is a big deal. I love that she listens to her church radio when she’s here. Mostly because I’m not here. But because it frowns upon her dipping into my alcohol stash.
Today when I walked into my kitchen I panicked. There was a note on the counter. It was a full page handwritten note. She’s never left me a note before. I thought I might be a “Dear SusanMercedes, I can no longer clean your house. Thanks for the last 6 years. Love, Housekeeper”.
Thank god it wasn’t “that” letter. It was a full page apology letter. She broke two different items in my house. I should make it clear that she has never broken anything before. Ever!
Two broken items:
First item: An art project Elle made years ago. It is a fossil which is displayed on a stand in my tv room. I think it can be glued. Anyone know what will bond two pieces of molded sand like material? This was a fragile piece so it may have just crumbled under her feather duster. Who knows.
Second item: a large glass candle holder which was on my bedroom floor. My housekeeper accidently knocked down a picture off the dresser and it fell on the glass candle holder. It shattered the glass.
Right away I went to check out the damage in my bedroom. When I got upstairs I noticed something. Something shocking. Not in the ‘I left all my adult toys out on the bed’ way. But I did shock her. I’m sure of it. The broken candle holder wasn’t her fault at all. It was mine. All mine.
Look what I found next to the star picture frame. That’s the frame that dropped to the floor and shattered my glass candle holder.
I ruined her. She probably thinks I’ve turned to vanilla flavored vodka for breakfast before work. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I much prefer it for dinner.
Tuesday, August 18th 2009 at 11:00 am
You have a maid (whore!)? I hope you at least make her wear a uniform.
Susan Mercedes Reply:
August 23rd, 2009 at 9:40 am
Kel: If that bitch finds and wears my french maid “uniform”, I’ll choke her until she can’t breathe. Not really. But sadly, I can only imagine what the naughty uniforms look like and that is not a good vision for me.