My trainer asked a favor of me. Of course, she asked while I was sweating blood from one of her amazingly tough workouts. She’s a bitch like that. So as I’m counting through my 20 reps of hell our conversation goes something like this.

Trainer: [yelling in my face] You only have a 16 more reps. Hold in your abs. Don’t lean back so far. [Then switched to sweet voice] Hey, I wanted to ask you something. Can you do me a favor?

Me: [breathless] Uhm, yes only if you make this pain stop.

Trainer: Nope, only 14 more to go.

Me: Does the favor involve me making our 1 hour sessions longer? If so, not a chance.

Trainer: No. [Her eyes roll back, probably at the thought of spending more time with me] Seriously though. Can you keep a food/drink log for 4 weeks? I’d like to use you as a case study in the college class I teach.

Me: A case study? Really? Are you thinking I’m super healthy and want to teach your students the ideal way their clients should live?

Trainer: Nine more. Chin up. Uh, no. I want them to evaluate your eating and drinking habits. And I know you’ll be honest.

Me: What’s in it for me?

Trainer: A full report and evaluation.

Me: Fuck. Sure.

I’m not a victim here.  I realize I agreed to this. But keeping a food and drink log is a giant pain in the ass. This includes itemizing all ingredients in the food I eat. I eat at restaurants all the time which makes this tricky. Plus, I have to own up to every ounce of wine I drink. And since I feature a weekly post on my blog for Wino Wednesday, I’m forced to drink so I have experiences that I blog about. Basically I drink for you.

Well, I did it. I did the favor for my trainer. I was hoping she’d hand over a pill to make me super toned. But she didn’t.

She told me that her class had a chance to review my log but she forgot to bring my report. Being impatient, I asked for a summary…

The general feedback: I drink too much [to meet the goals I set for myself, blah blah blah] and I need more vitamin D.

If I listen to them, I be forced to be SOBER and forced to sit in the sun for 20 minutes everyday. Fuck, they are students. What do they know? Nothing. Except they want me to die from cancer. The sun is dangerous. Skin cancer kills. And if I’m going to die that way, I want to be wasted drunk. All the time.

Dumb students.

Tags: diet, workout

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 17th, 2009 at 10:00 am and is filed under Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.