Real life characters in this story:

• Ex = my ex-husband, although this story takes place before he was an ex
• Elle = our baby in this story who is now our 10 year old daughter

When I was pregnant with Elle, I ate ice cream and french fries every day! Shut up, my body was craving ice cream for the calcium. I can’t explain the fries, except I love them. Needless to say, I gained 60 pounds by the end of my pregnancy. I was huge!

After I got Elle out of my body, the 60 pounds didn’t go with her. Nope. Most of them stayed with me. Well at least 45 of them did.

45 lbs! That’s a lot on my 5′4′ frame. Technically I’m 5′3.75″. Anyhow I was large.

Ex loved to take pictures and video. He was the one who took snapshots throughout our courtship, marriage, special occasions like birthdays and of course tons of our child.

When Elle was somewhere between 6 – 12 months old (I’m terrible at remembering these things…yes, I’m *that* mom), she got a cute pair of tiny yellow rubber rain boots as a gift. I put Elle in her crib along with her new yellow rain boots. Her little feet were too tiny to keep them on, but they were adorable so we kept trying.

Ex began to film the event. I stood behind him. Mostly because I was in a moo moo nightie, had unbrushed hair, and was wearing my horribly unstylish glasses. Fuck, I was married. Oh, and fat. Really fat.

Ex was commenting about the event as the video camera panned across the crib area. I heard such things as, “Look at our cutie.” “Elle, look at the camera.” “Hi love.” “Sweet girl.” and whatever else doting dads say to their 6-12 month olds.

Elle reached down to one yellow boot and moved it towards her foot. Don’t get excited. She wasn’t advanced enough to slip those things on.

Well Ex noticed her actions. In his cute British accent like any proud dad, he said, “Elle, are you putting on your new wellies?” Ex continued to comment as he panned the room with the video camera saying next, “You’re such a big girl.” He was so proud that Elle was trying to put on those cute yellow rain boots.

Months later we watched the video. The timing was odd. Ex clearly said, “You’re such a big girl” while the camera was on me. He meant the comment for Elle. But no, I was in the frame. Me! Who, again, looked like ass. And a fat one no less.

Lessons here: Never let a man multi task if it involves commenting and video recording.

Smaller lessons: Never wear large sleepwear, it makes you look larger. Never be on camera without at least brushing hair and putting in contacts. Never wait 6-12 months after baby to start a diet and exercise program. Never put those stupid baby borders up in a nursery. I did and it looked stupid. Okay the baby border lesson was unrelated to the story but it was a lesson I wanted to share nonetheless.

Tags: baby, ex, fat

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 21st, 2009 at 10:00 am and is filed under Family, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.