Last weekend I attended a holiday party. That’s what we do this time of year. It was so fun. See…

Here I am with my darling friends…Donna and Amy. If you didn’t know, I’m the one on the far right. Please notice my unbruised and unscabbed arm. Trust me when I say this…my right arm, which is hidden behind Amy, looked exactly the same as the left one you see here.

At the wee hours of the morning I left this party to head home. It drizzled rain all day so the roads were wet. But being December and all, it was cold out.

As I get to my driveway, I think nothing of the wet looking cement. By the way, my driveway is the longest and steepest driveway invented. I’m one lucky fuck in the winter.

My Driveway

Halfway up the driveway my all wheel car loses all traction. My wheels are spinning. The car is sliding. I’m freaking out. The car stops. It is put into park.

I decide that I should get out of the parked car and walk up. I figure I can get my car in the fucking spring. Or at least wait until my snow removal guys pour some ice melt down.

Anyhow, please notice my boots in the first picture. Obviously I had them on that night. They are black leather, flat, English style riding boots. You know, the kind with the flat leather soles.

I step out of the car with my purse over my shoulder, my iPhone in my hand and my coat in the backseat of the car. Yes, I was wearing just that short sleeve sweater shown in the picture above as I step out into the freezing temperatures.

As I step out of the car, I hold on to the door. My phone drops to the ground. I helplessly watch it slide down the driveway.

Then it happened! CRASH!

My feet slid out from under me. I lose my grip on the car door. I drop to the ground using my chin to help break my fall. I didn’t plan to use that body part, but it happened. And it didn’t really help. I also used my forearms. Then the action began! I slid. Fast. Using only my chin, stomach, thighs as my sled.

After about 20 feet of tummy sliding, I decided to roll over to my ass. I mean, who only wants their front side soaking wet? Not me.

So I rolled over, continued this fun ride for another 20 feet and stopped right next to my iPhone at the bottom of my driveway.

Fucking driveway. You hurt my arm. And my ego.

No iPhones were harmed in the making of this dangerous and crazy comedy.

Tags: driveway, fall, holidays, parties

This entry was posted on Friday, December 18th, 2009 at 2:00 am and is filed under Drinks, Friends, Home, Weekend. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.