10 Steps To Become A Hippie

By Susan Mercedes. Filed in Life  |  
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Ever wonder what it would take to be a hippie? I was told by a friend that I didn’t even know what a hippie was. I want to prove him wrong.

Here’s how you do it.

Step 1: Stop taking showers. Personal hygiene can be taken off your to do list.

Step 2: Master the game of hacky sack, fine tune your drum skills and learn to toss hippie sticks.

Step 3: Brighten up your wardrobe with handmade tie dye clothing.

Step 4: Believe in unicorns and their magic.

Step 5: Grow out your hair. And for men, grow out your beard. All the way down your neck.

Step 6: Make sure you have at least one sleeping bag in the trunk of your car.

Step 7: Stop eating meat or go big and become a vegan.

Step 8: Never stay in a hotel again, only camp.

Step 9: Dust off your Birkenstocks. Don’t forget to wear them with socks.

Step 10: End all of your conversations with the word “peace”.

This list was compiled based on my experiences. What would you add to the list?

There is no way I could be a hippie. I don’t even like granola. And now that I have the list, I know what NOT to do.

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14 comments to “10 Steps To Become A Hippie”

  1. Comment by zeghsy:

    i’m the child of (former?) hippies. i just can’t do it. besides, i’d die a slow and painful death without my electronic gadgets. i’m pretty sure you have to give those up to be a real hippie.

    Susan Mercedes Reply:

    zeghsy: I had another response to your comment, but after a bit of thinking I had to change directions.

    Here’s my new thought: I bet hippies aren’t opposed to electronic gadgets. They masturbate too.

  2. Comment by Suz:

    You forgot the weed…..lots and lots of weed.

    Susan Mercedes Reply:

    So true. But I think I know a hippie who really doesn’t smoke it, so that image was forgotten.

  3. Comment by Laura:

    Um, don’t forget the fanny pack. Oh, sorry. I saw Birkenstocks, and my mind went right to the matching fanny pack. Let me know when you do your 10 Steps to Become a Lesbian, because hello, SITE TRAFFIC.

    Susan Mercedes Reply:

    Laura: I adore you! Seriously. You make me laugh my ass of AND you provide me with fabulous blog topic ideas.

  4. Comment by wickenden:

    I consider myself a hippie, but let me show you how I differ from your points:
    1) I like my body and my clothing clean, thank you very much. But, my clothes are often worn, a bit worse for wear, not in fashion and above all comfortable. Looking like that might seem dirty. Since I cook for people I’m a maniac about keeping my hands clean to the point of obsessiveness.
    2) nah, that stuff is for kids with nothing to do.
    3) I do love tie-dye, but I true hippi would go for the sort of edwardian stuff that people wore in the summer of love. tie dye came about in the 70’s!
    4) nah. That’s for young girls. But, you could read the tao te ching and ponder how useless ambition really is.
    5) bingo. My hair on my head and face grows until it “stops by itself…” But that’s not always true for all.
    6) when I was a kid I lived on the road. These days I rarely venture from the comfort of my home.
    7) I feel like Veal picatta tonight baby. I tolerate vegetarians, but loathe vegans. You can’t cook for them! 8) hah!
    9) I do love my birks, always with socks (and shorts). But more often it’s my crocs. I’m sure that made you cringe. Before my feet went bad, it was barefoot baby.
    10). If only. Far out works too, especially when we’re stoned.

    Here’s my hippi list:

    1) Love long insanely mesmerizing music like The Grateful Dead, String Cheese Incident, and so forth
    2) Don’t trust the establishment, and keep reinventing what that means
    3) love pleasure
    4) love love
    5) love cannabis, acid, and mushrooms even if you’ve long since given it up for an evening martini. Well, almost.
    6) secretly wish that you had a vw bus and could just follow some band around instead of going to work ever again
    7) when in doubt, twirl.

    wickenden Reply:

    edit: better than being a hippi is the good old self-applied term: freaks!

    Susan Mercedes Reply:

    wickenden: And I can’t imagine I’d call you a freak. Hell, you cook. So you’re someone to worship, IMO.

    Susan Mercedes Reply:

    wickenden: You just became my most favorite commenter since this blog has been active. Love. Love. Love. Thank you.

  5. Comment by Becky (Princess Mikkimoto):

    I like to think I’m part hippie but with good hygiene and cute shoes. But I did give up the meat and I love my Granola. I may have hugged a tree once too but that was after LOTS AND LOTS OF WINE.

    Susan Mercedes Reply:

    Becky: We all do things after LOTS AND LOTS OF WINE. Hugging a tree is the least of my worries. Now if it was something that involved farm animals, I’d worry. *raising my glass to my Wisconsin “hippie” friend*

  6. Comment by Cat:

    OMFG I’m bonding with hippies over our mutual love of the Croc. This is like a dream come true, especially since my dealer moved.

    Susan Mercedes Reply:

    Cat: I didn’t realize Crocs were a hippie thing until wickenden mentioned it. Bond away. I think it’s cute.