Warning: this post is a sample of what goes on in my brain.

I was having lunch with some friends yesterday and one of them mentioned chicken nuggets. (We were NOT eating at a place that served chicken nuggets.)

This has always been something that bothers me. “Chickens don’t have nuggets!”, I said.

One of the people at the table assumed I was talking dirty and was using the term nuggets for balls. I wasn’t. I had to convince him I wasn’t talking dirty. So I gave him another example of make believe food….

Buffalo wings!

After lunch was over, I couldn’t stop thinking about this. Why is there food named after fake parts? As in, you want some pork buttons or beef thumbs?

This makes me crazy. Eating wings does not.

Tags: fake, Food

I hate to cook. I avoid it at all costs. I’ve been like this my entire life.

Last night I was surprised when Elle decided to pull out her journal from a few years back. She’s 10 now, so she would have been 8 years old when she wrote it.

She decided to read something out loud to me.

Elle’s journal entry:

It states:

Last night my mom made the best dinner and she is not a chef at all. She made chicken, carrots, and potatoes. It was like my dad made it and he’s a chef. YUM!

I DON’T BELIEVE IT!

If I *must* cook, it’s rarely good enough for a journal entry. This makes me think Elle exaggerated. By exaggerated, I mean lied.

But I really think this story is a lie because I HATE COOKED CARROTS. I’d never make them as part of a meal.

Tags: cooking, journal, kid

This Wino Wednesday post was inspired by eating alcohol.

I think I found the way to live life to the fullest. It involves Jello shots. In fact the entire plan revolves around them. Here’s how I’m doing it:

• Eat jello shots. Shut up, jello is food. In fact, jello shots are food and alcohol mixed.
• Carve cooking out of my life since I will skip all real food and replace it with Jello shots. This is helpful since I don’t cook.
• Have a constant buzz. Easy to do when I’m not eating real food.
• Enjoy long nails and healthy hair. Jello has gelatin in it which is great for nails and hair.
• Drop any extra weight. Hell, Jello shots are portion controlled. And I think I could even use sugar free which has no calories. Obviously I’d double up on the alcohol since I need calories to survive. Duh.
• I’d never be hungry. Mainly because I could eat anywhere since these little molds travel well.
• I’d be more environmentally friendly by never using my dishwasher. I wouldn’t be using any silverware or dishes. Just those little paper/plastic cups. Fine, I use the recycled ones.
• I will have a lot more disposable income since I won’t need to eat out anymore.

That's me passing out this life changing tidbit at a party. J-E-L-L-O shots!

Here I am after enjoying these tasty treats along with my partner in crime, @h0neyb (Melissa). We had too much fun!

(Second photo is really small and I have no idea why.)

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

Tags: diet, drinking, Food