I adore my trainer. She is awesome. Not only does she kick my ass in our workout sessions, she tolerates me. And by tolerates, I mean she doesn’t let me give her excuses. But she does let me have fun.

At our last training session, she tossed me the elastic band as she walked over to get some hand weights. I quickly put the band on and waited for her to return.

She returned. She rolled her eyes. She waited while I took this picture. I needed a break.  (Yes, I know this picture is hideous. Hell I was sweating my ass off for 45 minutes at this point.)

Then she made me take the elastic band off my head and put it on correctly. For those of you who don’t know, this is how it works.

Again forgive me for the quality of these pictures. I was super rushed. That’s what happens when you stall on a trainer.

She handed me the weights. You know so I could hold them over my head as I did side steps from one side of the gym to the other. Twice.

Once again my trainer got her way. My ass will thank her later.

Tags: sweat, trainer, workout

My trainer made me a deal.

Deal: which one of us can log in more cardio from December 15th – January 15th

At risk: a $50 bottle of wine

Expectations: trainer plans to do 5 hours every week. (I committed to one hour every week figuring it would lower her expectations and make her feel like I’m not competition.)

Rules:

1. minimum time we can log is 10 minutes
2. heart rate must get to 140, or maybe that’s the number of characters allowed in a tweet. All I know is that I shouldn’t be able to carry on a normal conversation because I’m panting so hard.
3. trainer will text me every time she gets her cardio done

Update: I got a text today, she did 30 minutes of cardio. I did 0. Yep, that’s a zero. A big fat nothing.

One day into the competition, I feel defeated.

On another note, I’m looking for a fabulous $50 bottle of wine to buy. Recommendations?

Tags: bet, exercise, trainer, wine

I’m all about helping others. In fact, I give loads of money to charitable organizations each year.

But…

Helping people get skinny by showing them my boobs? I had no idea I had that kind of power!

Apparently starting at boobs is as good as working out. A study was done. Here’s the article to prove it.

I know men like to look at boobs. I have also known a handful of men who don’t. Funny, those men are all fat. But they know my eyes are brown.

Once the news of this study gets out, I can see the world changing. Men will put on their running shoes and then sit on the couch and ask us women to show them some cleavage. Some men may even get really bold by canceling their gym memberships in return for us fondling our breasts. Ladies, we have some work to do.

I’m okay with this. I may even try it myself. Not sure my trainer will buy into this idea. But I may say, “Sorry trainer, I didn’t do my cardio in the traditional way this week. I just stood in front of the mirror and rolled these babies around.”

Here I am. Still helping people. Two boobs at a time.

And since my boobs are helping people, that probably means that they are tax deductible. Like a charity. I better wear something low cut when I drop off my 2009 tax paperwork to my accountant. And include the bill for my boobs.

Tags: boobs, Health