This Wino Wednesday post was inspired by drinking too much and curing a hangover.

I love bananas. If I could make it to the grocery store more often and keep these yellow things stocked in my house, I’d probably eat one everyday. But I learned the real reason my body craves them.

It’s a cure. For a hangover.

Photo provided by the HowStuffWorks website.

Eating bananas the morning after a night of heavy drinking provides lost electrolytes like any food would, but it also specifically replenishes the potassium lost to alcohol’s diuretic effect. Other potassium-rich foods such as kiwi fruit or sports drinks work just as well.

The above insert was found on an online article titled, How Hangovers Work (full article). Helpful tidbits for you drinkers. Really helpful.

Here’s my dilemma. The picture below illustrates precisely the reason this cure is awkward or uncomforable.

Quite frankly eating bananas resembles something else…

Photo provided by Porn SFW

Scroll through the website if you’re into that stuff. And yes, it is safe for work. It’s a site that “cleans up” porn shots and it may make you laugh.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

Tags: bananas, cure, Drinks, hangover

This post was instigated by a college girlfriend saying, “Susan, remember the time when…” followed by tons of laughing. Fuck I didn’t want remember. But she reminded me. It was a moment in my life that I wanted to forget. It was awkward. Very awkward.

For years I have been getting waxed. I’m obsessed with body hair. My own, not the hair on other people. What’s weird…I’m not really hairy. But I’m obsessed nonetheless.

Sure I could get laser treatments to get rid of my hair, but I haven’t done it yet. Mostly because I’d miss my waxer, of 6 years, dearly. She’s a doll and I’d miss our visits every five weeks.  Of course, I’ve hung out with her outside of the salon. She’s just that awesome.

But before I met her, I had a few mishaps with my waxings. Here’s my best memory. And by best I mean most awkward.

I’m not modest. I don’t mind baring all. Years ago I’d go to a salon for my waxings, sometimes as a walk in, and I was okay to get a new waxer. On one particular visit, I got a new girl. Here’s how the conversation went:

Waxer: Hi, what are we doing for you today?

Me: Waxing…Brazilian, arms, brow.

Waxer: Great. Let’s start with the brazilian. Do you want it all off?

Me: Uhm, yes. Thanks. [Brazilian waxes, for those who don't know, are basically a bikini wax meant to remove every damn hair down there (unless you want a little landing strip). From the front to the back...all gone.]

Waxer: Let me know if the wax gets too hot. {going to town down there removing all my hair}

Me: Temperature is fine. Thanks.

Waxer: Alright, I need to get to the backside now. Do you mind getting in a position to make this simple?

Me: Not at all. What position?

Waxer: Can you prop yourself up on your hands and knees?

Me: Oh, okay. I’ve never done that before. At least not for a waxing. {laughing}

Waxer: Oh really? It makes it really easy to remove….

Me: {Reminder: I’m on the table, ass in her face, in a doggie style position} *thinking I’m starring in a porn or a hidden camera show and don’t know it*

Awkward moments. That is one on the top of my list.

Needless to say, I didn’t return to this salon. Seriously, waxers don’t make you get into a doggie style position to pull out your hair. There are all sorts of ways of getting this backside hair, like holding your leg in the air or even flipping on your side.

I’m hoping I can change the world one waxing at a time and remind new waxers that this is NOT the way to do it. Again, I’m not shy. Or modest. And this was hell.

Have you ever been put in a compromising position?

Tags: awkward moments, hair, salon, waxing

Over the last few days my appetite has been insatiable. I can’t get enough food in my body.

For example, I’ll eat a full meal. Then I’ll let some time pass. And by time, I mean minutes, like under an hour. Then I’m ready to feast again. Holy fuck. I’m going to be as wide as I am tall pretty soon.

I’m convinced I”m going through a growth spurt. That’s really the only explanation I have for eating this way. Sadly, the growth spurt is likely associated with the size of my ass. It’ll grow. Trust me.

Here’s how I’m coping with my increased appetite:

• First, I’m only eating candy that is for individual sale. You know, like Halloween candy that has only 4 Milk Duds in a package. These candies don’t list any nutritional information on the package. Nope. None. Therefore, I don’t think they have enough calories to count. I LOVE HEALTHY CANDY!
• Next, I’m not skipping meals anymore. They say you should eat several meals everyday to keep your metabolism up. Well, let me tell you….I’m eating several FULL meals everyday. My appetite will force me to eat more often therefore causing me to increase my metabolism and become effortlessly skinny.
• I’m skipping training sessions with my trainer. When this happens I still pay her. Therefore, I’m finding myself with less money in my pocket to spend on food. Oh fuck it. This isn’t working. I don’t budget. This tactic only causes me to have less money but more free time. Hey, time is money. Therefore this plan is good for my pocketbook in the end.

So here’s to an increased appetite. I gotta run. There are Cheetos in my desk drawer that are calling my name.

Dear trainer: if you read this…Rob gave me the Cheetos. He probably forced me to eat them too. And the Halloween candy really didn’t have nutritional values listed which explains whey they won’t show up on my food log.

Tags: appetite, exercise, Health, trainer