This Wino Wednesday post was inspired by eating alcohol.

I think I found the way to live life to the fullest. It involves Jello shots. In fact the entire plan revolves around them. Here’s how I’m doing it:

• Eat jello shots. Shut up, jello is food. In fact, jello shots are food and alcohol mixed.
• Carve cooking out of my life since I will skip all real food and replace it with Jello shots. This is helpful since I don’t cook.
• Have a constant buzz. Easy to do when I’m not eating real food.
• Enjoy long nails and healthy hair. Jello has gelatin in it which is great for nails and hair.
• Drop any extra weight. Hell, Jello shots are portion controlled. And I think I could even use sugar free which has no calories. Obviously I’d double up on the alcohol since I need calories to survive. Duh.
• I’d never be hungry. Mainly because I could eat anywhere since these little molds travel well.
• I’d be more environmentally friendly by never using my dishwasher. I wouldn’t be using any silverware or dishes. Just those little paper/plastic cups. Fine, I use the recycled ones.
• I will have a lot more disposable income since I won’t need to eat out anymore.

That's me passing out this life changing tidbit at a party. J-E-L-L-O shots!

Here I am after enjoying these tasty treats along with my partner in crime, @h0neyb (Melissa). We had too much fun!

(Second photo is really small and I have no idea why.)

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

This scares the shit out of me. Frightens me beyond belief.

Can I do without “it”? Can I survive without “it”? Can I live without “it”?

No more playing. No more fondling. No more fidgeting. No more countless hours spent pushing all the right buttons. I’d be left with a huge void in my life. I’d be without hours of entertainment.

But the answer is yes. I bet I can live without “it”.

The “it” refers to access to everything online. All personal online connections: Twitter, reading of blogs, Facebook, etc. It may even include NOT writing this blog.

It would be odd not to fondle my iPhone incessantly and play with my laptop at all hours. What will I do in the middle of the night when I wake up at 3 am?

Years ago when my husband and I separated, I stopped turning on the television when I was home. After months had passed of living in a quiet house in the evenings, it dawned on me…I had TONS of free time. This happened because I didn’t spend countless hours mindlessly channel surfing. I wasn’t distracted by this brainless activity.

Now my online activity has become my time waster.

I’d love to stop for a short period of time. But I’m frightened. This challenge seems harder than any other challenge, including my one week detox diet plan. At least when I suffer through the detox, I end up with a flat tummy and without cravings for sweets or carbs.

Back to the separation from personal online activity. Have you done it? Would you do it? For how long? Dare me to try?

My trainer asked a favor of me. Of course, she asked while I was sweating blood from one of her amazingly tough workouts. She’s a bitch like that. So as I’m counting through my 20 reps of hell our conversation goes something like this.

Trainer: [yelling in my face] You only have a 16 more reps. Hold in your abs. Don’t lean back so far. [Then switched to sweet voice] Hey, I wanted to ask you something. Can you do me a favor?

Me: [breathless] Uhm, yes only if you make this pain stop.

Trainer: Nope, only 14 more to go.

Me: Does the favor involve me making our 1 hour sessions longer? If so, not a chance.

Trainer: No. [Her eyes roll back, probably at the thought of spending more time with me] Seriously though. Can you keep a food/drink log for 4 weeks? I’d like to use you as a case study in the college class I teach.

Me: A case study? Really? Are you thinking I’m super healthy and want to teach your students the ideal way their clients should live?

Trainer: Nine more. Chin up. Uh, no. I want them to evaluate your eating and drinking habits. And I know you’ll be honest.

Me: What’s in it for me?

Trainer: A full report and evaluation.

Me: Fuck. Sure.

I’m not a victim here.  I realize I agreed to this. But keeping a food and drink log is a giant pain in the ass. This includes itemizing all ingredients in the food I eat. I eat at restaurants all the time which makes this tricky. Plus, I have to own up to every ounce of wine I drink. And since I feature a weekly post on my blog for Wino Wednesday, I’m forced to drink so I have experiences that I blog about. Basically I drink for you.

Well, I did it. I did the favor for my trainer. I was hoping she’d hand over a pill to make me super toned. But she didn’t.

She told me that her class had a chance to review my log but she forgot to bring my report. Being impatient, I asked for a summary…

The general feedback: I drink too much [to meet the goals I set for myself, blah blah blah] and I need more vitamin D.

If I listen to them, I be forced to be SOBER and forced to sit in the sun for 20 minutes everyday. Fuck, they are students. What do they know? Nothing. Except they want me to die from cancer. The sun is dangerous. Skin cancer kills. And if I’m going to die that way, I want to be wasted drunk. All the time.

Dumb students.