I have always been mindful of my weight. Duh. Who hasn’t?! The majority of us have clothes in many different sizes. Our bodies change, especially as we age. As a side note: if you’re a middle aged adult wearing the jeans you wore in high school, you may be thin but you have no style.

Most people monitor their weight using the standard measures. They don’t work for me. Here’s why:

I monitor my weight but I’m forced to use untraditional methods since it is clear that the above approaches don’t work for my wise little big ass.

I have a dress. The dress isn’t made of stretchy material. It is fitted. And when I wear it to work I am forced to wear it all day long. So when it feels snug, I am required to face the truth. And the truth makes me do crazy things…like eat a salad for lunch.

Here’s the dress.
Disregard the sign on my ass.
If you must know, it is a reserved sign.

If you’ve ever dieted, like cut out carbs or fasted, you’ll know what I’m talking about. There’s the infamous bad taste in your mouth. I’d say bad breath but I don’t want to sound like a dirty, smelly boy.

Okay, so most of us have experienced it. I say that partly because I don’t want to feel alone or like a dirty, smelly boy. Well, let me tell you…the same flavor comes bad after being under anesthesia for hours. It doesn’t matter how much I brush and floss, although I’ve have great dental hygiene this past year, the taste doesn’t disappear. Well at least not for a few weeks after surgery.

Enough of that. I’ve got a dinner party to cook for. Ughh, I hate to cook. However, I’m actually part of a great diet plan. People don’t tend to eat a lot of what I make. So I’m off to make people skinny. Yay to me!

I love this detox.  Enjoy!

3-14 Day Prep/Detox (all you can eat)

The purpose of this 3 day preparation is to chemically adjust the body into a high metabolic burn, along with detoxifying the body by flushing out toxins and excess water storage. This is a 3-day all you can eat diet. The more you eat the more you lose!

All the MEATyou can Eat! (except for pork, damnit)

(No Breading or Sauces) Learn to flavor your food by seasoning it!

BEEF                             LAMB                                        TURKEY

CHICKEN                        LIVER                                        SHELLFISH (water packed)

FISH                             TUNA (water packed)                 VEAL

All the RAW GREEN SALAD VEGETABLES you can eat! (no peas!)

·         Two oranges per day – one as the AM snack and one as the afternoon Snack

(if citrus sensitive, substitute 1/8 cantaloupe per orange)

·         ¼ tsp. of Morton’s Lite Salt per day

·         Two eggs (cooked any way you want to, eaten within an hour of waking up)

You may use butter or Olive Oil in preparing your foods. Use Olive oil and vinegar or a low calorie Italian salad dressing on your salads.  Absolutely No Other Foods Are Allowed During the next 3 days. ***No Peas, Bread, Pasta, Milk, Cheese or Condiments (Mayonnaise, Mustard, Catsup, or sauces). No fruit or fruit juices except as modified!  A full menu will be added after these three days.

YOU MUST DRINK A MINIMUM OF SIX 8oz. GLASSES OF WATER/DAY

Space your water throughout the day.  You may also drink the following beverages in addition to your water each day.

Two cups of coffee or tea are permitted or four cups of decaf

NO SUGAR OR CREAM, Use liquid Protein instead

Unlimited amounts of: Fresh Hot Lemon Water or Herbal Tea

The above drink acts as a natural diuretic to relieve a “full” or “bloated” feeling.

Any seasoning may be used to enhance the taste of food, as long as it

CONTAINS NO SUGAR OR SALT.

**If you are coming off of Soda Pop,

Substitute the Soda with caffeinated Green Tea or H20 Zip mixed with a Protein Drink.

DO NOT STOP caffeine cold turkey or you will get sick!

It is the carbonation, sugar & starches you must stop immediately to make this work!

CARBOHYDRATE WITHDRAWAL

HEADACHE – add one orange or 1/8 cantaloupe followed by a protein

DIZZINESS or ringing in the ear – Use Emergen-C (3 pkts/day.. am, noon and 3pm)

CRAMPING – increase Morton’s Lite Salt to ½ tsp