Well the other day I had a revelation. Of course, this thought isn’t new to me. However it hit me so hard the other day, I was stopped in my tracks.

I need to get control. Not over people. Not over things out of my control. But with things that are 100% in my control.

• spending – I buy whatever I want, without any thought to cost
• eating out – I eat out most days for lunch and several nights a week for dinner (this doesn’t help my calorie intake or my spending)
• imbibing – I drink frequently (1-2+ glasses of wine every night!)

These are all things I have set limits on before and done successfully. But for some reason they all feel like they have spun out of control recently.

And by losing control over these things, I seem to have gained everything (mostly bank fees and weight). I don’t want those things!

So here’s to getting a grip on my life. And I started last night…by eating homemade, healthy soup (Don’t freak out. Yes I cooked!  And yes it was fabulous.), skipping wine and not spending money to eat out.

Don’t get the wrong idea. I plan to still eat, drink wine and spend. But in moderation. For example, I don’t need to have a glass of wine EVERY night. I can drink it several times a week and still feel okay. I also plan to still spend money. I make it. I can spend it. But I need to put some limits on how much I spend. I have lofty long term goals, like living as a rich person when I retire, and this takes some restraint now. I plan to eat out, but not everyday at lunch and most nights at dinner. I will force myself to cook at home and/or bring a lunch to work.

Wish me luck!

What things do you have to limit in your life?

I think I found the way to live life to the fullest. It involves Jello shots. In fact the entire plan revolves around them. Here’s how I’m doing it:

• Eat jello shots. Shut up, jello is food. In fact, jello shots are food and alcohol mixed.
• Carve cooking out of my life since I will skip all real food and replace it with Jello shots. This is helpful since I don’t cook.
• Have a constant buzz. Easy to do when I’m not eating real food.
• Enjoy long nails and healthy hair. Jello has gelatin in it which is great for nails and hair.
• Drop any extra weight. Hell, Jello shots are portion controlled. And I think I could even use sugar free which has no calories. Obviously I’d double up on the alcohol since I need calories to survive. Duh.
• I’d never be hungry. Mainly because I could eat anywhere since these little molds travel well.
• I’d be more environmentally friendly by never using my dishwasher. I wouldn’t be using any silverware or dishes. Just those little paper/plastic cups. Fine, I use the recycled ones.
• I will have a lot more disposable income since I won’t need to eat out anymore.

That's me passing out this life changing tidbit at a party. J-E-L-L-O shots!

Here I am after enjoying these tasty treats along with my partner in crime, @h0neyb (Melissa). We had too much fun!

(Second photo is really small and I have no idea why.)

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

Now I’m being made to finish them both. Fuck I love my family.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I’ve got a question for you.

There is something I enjoy doing alone. Really enjoy it. On the flip side, I’d much rather do this with another person or even several people. It’s just better that way.

It’s drinking! I don’t mean when I’m on a traveling alone, because I enjoy drinking then. But I’m usually in a hotel bar chatting it up with others. Which really isn’t alone. And I don’t mean when I’m pouring vodka over my Cheerios in the morning. Wait…that’s silly. I don’t even like Cheerios.

So here’s my question to you….

Do you drink alone?

On a normal weeknight, I have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. Then perhaps I’ll pour one more after Elle goes to bed.

If I have people over, I have a couple of glasses with dinner. Then an unlimited amount after dinner. Then more after Elle goes to bed.

Why is that?

Do you have a preference? Shall I clarify that I mean preferences when drinking. Because we all know that sex is better when we’re not alone.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

When I’m in Vegas I often say, “You aren’t allowed to use the terms woulda, coulda, shoulda because they are all filled with regret.”

I must say…I love Vegas. I love to gamble. I love free drinks. I love time at the pool. I love people watching. But that’s it. Therefore it is not a destination that is great to go, say when I’m married. Or at least it wasn’t back when I was married. We (husband and I, before we were exes) went once. It was a disaster.

So here’s the story. I gambled all day. Husband was attending a chef show thingy all day. Again, I was gambling all day and they serve a damn fine house wine at the Bellagio. Trust me on this one. It’s lovely.

I sat in the same exact chair all day long. I sat there through a zillion shift changes. I was doing okay gambling. Not winning big. Not losing either. Just staying even.

Hours later husband came back from conference thingy. He reminded me of our dinner reservations. He planned our entire trip around this dinner. It was a like a 15 course meal and every critic raved about every fucking course. My response to the husband, “I’m doing really well. It’ll only take me a few minutes to freshen up so I’ll meet you at the restaurant at our reservation time.” (<~ big mistake) Anyhow he went up to the room to get ready.

Time passed and I finally peeled myself away from gambling, ran up to the room to change and then raced to the restaurant. Probably forgetting panties…mostly because I was rushed and also I needed a diversion tactic for husband. These tactics don’t always work. Anyhow I got there before out table was ready. He was in the bar. I joined him, for yet ANOTHER drink. (Remember I was drinking chardonnay all day long). This time I indulged with a martini.

Finally we are seated. We get through a few courses and I realize something very important. I’m tired. Exhausted really. So I tip my head and take a cute little nap. Really though, I was sitting up the whole time. I just closed my eyes. But I also missed a few courses.

Finally I opened my eyes. I yawned and stretched. And I quickly realized husband wasn’t thrilled with dining alone. Or with me. I was in trouble. Big trouble.

We came back to the hotel room after dinner. Husband got into bed. I was no longer tired. Naps at dinner help.

As I glanced over at husband in bed I also noticed the clock. It said….11:11. It was a sign. So I bolted. Said I had to go gamble. Figured I was already “in trouble”. He was ready for bed. And I left the room.

In the casino I felt free. All alone I had a blast. And I won. BIG. HUGE. On the blackjack table.

The rest of the weekend was silent. I didn’t care. I gave him money for my portion of the fancy dinner. Hell it was only a fraction of my winnings.

Turns out…husband was pissed. Really pissed. So much so, it came up in counseling months later. And now we’re divorced. Not because of the Vegas disaster. But that trip didn’t help.

However what I did learn was that 11:11 is my good luck time. And that I should never marry a man who doesn’t gamble.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

We’ve known each other for 20 years. Wow, that makes them sound old!

There are a group of 5 of us that get together a few times every year. Now they all live in California…well, all except me. I moved to Utah to ski. They stayed in California so they could spend all their money on mortgage payments.

Only 4 of us could make this trip. The one that didn’t make the trip loves her dad more than us. We have nicer boobs than her dad, but whatever. She’s an attorney so I’m not fucking with her choices. She’ll sue me.

Back to the weekend. It was a fabulous! I love these girls. This weekend filled with:

• drinking
• eating (completely unplanned but we ate at Porcupine Pub for 3 of the 4 meals)
• a hike
• drinking
• shopping
• very little sleep (mostly my doing since I’m known for waking up early and making sure everyone else has that opportunity)
• drinking
• lots of talk time in pajamas (I said pajamas, not nighties, as pictured below)
• middle of the day beer drinking at a dive bar (picture also below)
• lots of fucking love

The beginning of slumber party on the first night!

Hang over hike up Bells Canyon.

Bar shot looks just like us in college…bad lighting, not showered, drinking mid-afternoon.

Before dinner on the second night.

Having these ladies in my life (all 5 of them) for so long makes me appreciate unconditional love and friendship. I don’t know what I’d do without them. We don’t talk often but when we do it’s like we hung out yesterday.

Do you have friends like this?

I love wine. A lot. At home I always drink from “my glass”. For those who care, It’s a Riedel (Vinum series) chardonnay glass. And it makes the best toasting chime sound I’ve ever heard. Sadly, they discontinued this glass, but that is way off track. Getting back on…

Let’s be clear, I’ve been known to drink wine from plastic cups or from the water glasses in hotel bathrooms. As someone who likes to drink I can’t be super fussy about the glass my wine is served in.

My only real preference is to have my wine in a glass. With a stem.

That is…until I had a glass of white wine with a friend on a sunny summer day. Note: the word “summer”.

As you can see, this glass meets my criteria. It is made of glass. It has a stem.

But it is decorated with the words “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” in paint pen. IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER! And for some it may even be personalized with their pet name, since “Ho Ho Ho” is painted on the stem. Super classy!

I either need to buy this friend new wine glasses or only drink wine with him during the holidays. Clearly I’ll be on the lookout for non decorative wine glasses because I’d CANNOT allow non holidays to dictate my drinking life, damn it!

Or I’ll just start drinking straight from the bottle.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

This Wino Wednesday post was inspired by a lovely glass bottle, oh fuck it…two bottles of Gnarly Head Chardonnay.

Occasionally when drinking, I hit a wall. Sometimes I hit the wall after 2 glasses of wine when I have little to no sleep. Sometimes I hit the wall after 42 glasses. This wall has been known to hit me at my house, friends’ houses and restaurants. It happens when I’m sitting. The term “wall” really means I fall asleep.

Last weekend was no exception.

One particular evening started out with dinner with a friend. And if it isn’t obvious, drinks are naturally included with dinner. After dinner we were invited to a friend’s house.

Like any good friend, we grabbed $45 worth of chocolate at a local chocolate shop (Okay…I was having a major sweet tooth and insisted we get a few of EVERYTHING) and headed to their house.

Next thing you know, my wine glass is being filled. I’m sure I was resisting, but my friends didn’t notice (wink wink, nudge nudge).

As the wee hours roll around I decide I needed to rest. All that socializing makes me so drowsy. So I decide to rest on the couch. For just a 10 minute cat nap.

Next thing you know I’m sneaking out at 6:30 am to do the drive of shame. Except, there was no shame. I slept alone. On a couch. And actually didn’t get wasted. I was just so tired.

Hitting my wall there was perfect. I’m grateful for my dear friends, especially those who have great couches.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine related stories.

He decides to go out at midnight. By out, I mean outside. However see below for his real plan.

I’m all, “Fuck you Tom Tom, I’m going to bed! Bastard!”

His response is best described by a witness:

Well, he never surprises me. He shows up at 4 am wanting to come back in. Yep, that fucktard cat is trained to tap his paw on my bedroom window. Which is like three fucking stories high. He’s a agile cat with great balance, even after being out drinking for the night.

Of course I get up and let him in. Then he does what he does best. Sleeps. All morning long.

Check out his little tongue. He’s dehydrated from all that beer.

I love this stupid fucktard of a cat. Don’t ask me why.

But you know what really pisses me off? Formatting pictures on this blog. I can’t seem to do it. Sorry. I’m done.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz time!

Shaking my head and dancing to loud music was the only way I got to work today. You know why?

Because once again I chose not to sleep. I love doing that when it involves fun. However I’d rather not do it two nights in a row. But obviously that’s a lie. Because I did it. Fun can suck it sometimes.

You know what they say? And by “they” I mean those random voices that make up our boundaries and rules in life. They say that driving on no sleep is like driving drunk.

Well today I drove drunk to work. The upside: I didn’t consume any extra calories by way of alcohol, I don’t reek of liquor, I’m not slurring and I haven’t stumbled down the hallways.

Hoping there is a nap in my future. As it appears right now, work life won’t allow that today.

Sauternes are sweet wines. Raise your hand if you’ve tried them. Now if you actually raised your hand or thought about it, you need a reminder. I can’t see you.

Anyhow, back to sauternes. I don’t like them. Partly because they are made by procrastinators. People who were too lazy to turn that grape into something delicious. Instead they wait and only have raisins to work with. Moldy ones too. Also known as noble rot. Noble my ass. That stuff is simply rotten.

I don’t understand how a perfect delicious grape can shrivel up into a raisin and  change completely. Both in the fruit form and the wine form, I hate raisins. Oh, I also hate the smell of them.

Therefore I am taking it upon myself to nag all winemakers forever. They need to stay on top of their grapes. Don’t let them turn into raisins. It’s a shame for everyone involved. Especially for me.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine related stories.

It will really change the way I live and enjoy life. It will shift my evening activities. This new way will shock my friends.

News: I snore.

Yep, I snore after heavy drinking. Like a chainsaw. This was discovered after several experiments.

I tried to get the person who witnessed this atrocious sound/act to confirm that I was adorable when I did it. It would be nice to hear, “but it’s cute when you do it”. Instead, he opted to be sweet and suggest that he listen after a night of no drinking. He did. And the snoring stopped. Boom. See my dilemma?

So when life deals you a problem. Fix it!

My solutions:

drink less
stay up later until my buzz wears off
sleep alone or with someone deaf
try those nose strips

I was dropping off a gift to my friend who was celebrating her birthday. Apparently that was a reason enough to pop a bottle of bubbly. She offered. I accepted. I’m a good friend like that.

We added a splash of Chambord which is a French black raspberry liqueur. The best part of this goodness…the sweet flavor and the beautiful bright pink color.

We enjoyed. We visited. I left.

Afterwards this innocent little beverage caused a chain of events.

Clearly drinking bubbly with Chambord caused me to eat crap for dinner, primp in an attempt to get pretty, sit on my ass and drink more. Perfect. This is clearly now my new evil drink.

Cheers to evil goodness.

What does drinking make you do?

This Wino Wednesday post was inspired by vodka. Vanilla vodka. I realize this isn’t wine, but I do have to expand my liver’s experience. And vodka does give me the same end result wine does…a lovely buzz.

Vodka is my new favorite. Here are several reasons why:

1. It comes trainer recommended. My trainer tells me it’s healthiest to drink hard liquor versus wine or beer. Must be the calories or carbs or something. I don’t care. I just love that my trainer tells me what to drink.
2. It tastes fabulous. Right now the vanilla flavor rocks my world. If they only came out with coconut flavoring, I would give up sex for…wait, that’s not true. But I would love that delicious flavor.
3. It mixes with anything and everything. Vodka goes well with so much. Like a glass and some ice.  Or peach Fresca. Or diet coke. Or 10 calorie Vitamin Water. Or soda water and a lemon wedge. Or served straight up with three olives.
4. It doesn’t give you bad breath. Mostly because it doesn’t have an overwhelming smell. Think about when you’re talking to someone who has been drinking beer. You can totally smell it on their breath. Not with vodka. Problem solved without needing a stick of gum.
5. It travels well. One word: flask. This is possible because it is potent enough to use in small doses. It takes far too much wine to get a buzz. I can’t find a flask big enough to fit all the wine yet small enough to fit in my pants.
6. It doesn’t stain. You know how many outfits I’ve ruined because of red wine. With vodka you can twirl your glass around and not fret if the liquid splashes on your shirt/skirt/carpet/dashboard.
7. It can be stored anywhere. It can be kept at room temperature. It can be left in the fridge. Or it can be put in the freezer. Hell, you can even leave a bottle in the trunk of your car. Well, I heard you can.

What’s your favorite alcohol and why?