Sunday was an epic day.

I live at the mouth of a canyon that has some of the best snow on earth. Hell, our license plates will confirm that statement.

Image provided by www.aaroads.com

On Sunday morning, the canyon was closed while they cleared some avalanche or accident or something. All I know is that my street had oodles of cars parked just waiting to head up. Generally there are never cars parked on my street in my neighborhood. This day was different.

I was in a silky robe. Up in my bedroom. Getting ready to meet friends for brunch. I kept watching these parked cars filled with skiers and snowboarders. And then someone did the ultimate thing to piss me off.

They parked right in front of my driveway preventing me from getting out. I felt trapped. To add fuel to the fire, there was about 2 inches of snow on my driveway. This means I can get down the steep path but this also means I’m likely to lose control and slide my way on to the main road. This bozo parked right in my path.

Worse. He got out of his SUV. Looked up at my window. Smiled and waved.

So I did what any hungover, hungry and irritable person would do. I stood in front of the window and yelled. I motioned for this ass to move his car and made the motion of me needing to get down the driveway. How does one do that? Lots of arm movements and finger pointing.

This guy was pushing me. He just kept smiling and making similar motions with his arms and fingers.

I was nearly ready to jump out of the window and verbally kill him.

Until he opened the back of his SUV. Got out a shovel. And began the work I hired him to do.

It was Alejandro. My snow removal guy. I think I’ll be give him a little extra when I pay this invoice.

Last weekend I attended a holiday party. That’s what we do this time of year. It was so fun. See…

Here I am with my darling friends…Donna and Amy. If you didn’t know, I’m the one on the far right. Please notice my unbruised and unscabbed arm. Trust me when I say this…my right arm, which is hidden behind Amy, looked exactly the same as the left one you see here.

At the wee hours of the morning I left this party to head home. It drizzled rain all day so the roads were wet. But being December and all, it was cold out.

As I get to my driveway, I think nothing of the wet looking cement. By the way, my driveway is the longest and steepest driveway invented. I’m one lucky fuck in the winter.

My Driveway

Halfway up the driveway my all wheel car loses all traction. My wheels are spinning. The car is sliding. I’m freaking out. The car stops. It is put into park.

I decide that I should get out of the parked car and walk up. I figure I can get my car in the fucking spring. Or at least wait until my snow removal guys pour some ice melt down.

Anyhow, please notice my boots in the first picture. Obviously I had them on that night. They are black leather, flat, English style riding boots. You know, the kind with the flat leather soles.

I step out of the car with my purse over my shoulder, my iPhone in my hand and my coat in the backseat of the car. Yes, I was wearing just that short sleeve sweater shown in the picture above as I step out into the freezing temperatures.

As I step out of the car, I hold on to the door. My phone drops to the ground. I helplessly watch it slide down the driveway.

Then it happened! CRASH!

My feet slid out from under me. I lose my grip on the car door. I drop to the ground using my chin to help break my fall. I didn’t plan to use that body part, but it happened. And it didn’t really help. I also used my forearms. Then the action began! I slid. Fast. Using only my chin, stomach, thighs as my sled.

After about 20 feet of tummy sliding, I decided to roll over to my ass. I mean, who only wants their front side soaking wet? Not me.

So I rolled over, continued this fun ride for another 20 feet and stopped right next to my iPhone at the bottom of my driveway.

Fucking driveway. You hurt my arm. And my ego.

No iPhones were harmed in the making of this dangerous and crazy comedy.