I drive fast. I take chances. Everyday.

And today I got busted. Again. There were two other times in 2009. Each happened within a month of the other. In fact, the second time I got pulled over in 2009 was when I was on my way to traffic school as punishment for the first time.

2009

January 30, 2010

Before I drove a Mercedes, I ALWAYS talked my way out of tickets.

I was tested today. Using my best charm with the very handsome highway patrol officer, I tried my hardest to get out of this ticket. We talked about our kids. He shared where he grew up and what his dad did for a living. And we giggled about turning on the passenger seat heaters when we have an unsuspecting passenger. He does it too!

But it all ended with him doing the unthinkable (in my mind). Of course, I batted my eyes and asked him to not give me a ticket. He laughed. A little too hard. And said, “Well, I already gave away all my warnings this morning. But I’ll be gentle.”

Bam. He slapped me with a speeding ticket. Of course, he only put it as 10 mph over the speed limit. I was going significantly over that. And by significantly, I mean 23 mph over. Then he started to tell me about what to do (i.e. call this number but you must wait…), but quickly stopped the explanation, told me that I should know how to do this after mentioning all my other speeding ticket experiences in 2009 and then told me to slow down.

So here I am. Wondering if I should get a car that is harder to speed in. Any suggestions?

There are plenty of people who hate me. Rather than dwell on the negative let’s flip this bitch around and think about the upside. It’s what I do.

I am blessed to have great people around me. Seems like people like me. After some deep thinking, which is a brief scuba dive for me I realized some people might even LOVE me.

Here they are. And here is the reason why.

My housekeeper because I make her job easy. Hell, that big stainless steel gas powered box stove (I googled that shit) never needs to be cleaned.

Alcoholics because I make them look sober.

Skiers and golfers because I make them look talented. But I’m a hell of a lot of fun to bring along. Promise.

Grocery stores because I buy everything in duplicate only to throw out 1/2 only to purchase again the following week.

Friends who cook because compared to my talent in the kitchen they are the equivalent to Julia Childs, even if they only cook mac & cheese.

Kids because I can relate to them and function on their childish level.

My family (who, besides Elle, are all in Texas) because I live at a safe distance where they don’t have to accept my phone calls if I’m bugging them so far away.

The wine store because I buy wine by case (who am I kidding, 3-4 cases at a time) and always ask for the back room stock so I don’t empty their shelves.

Fast drivers because I stay out of their way by driving even faster.

Custodian at work because I may be the only person to give him a Christmas card with money in it. This is out of guilt because I feel I should empty my own trash but he refuses to let me.

So if you’re not a potential housekeeper, an alcoholic, a sports enthusiast, a grocery store owner, a friend who cooks, a kid, my family, a wine store manager, a fast driver or the daytime custodian then there is a high probability that you WON’T LOVE ME. But you might like me. Or you may hate me (which makes me question why you’re reading my blog, but whatever. Enjoy). The possibilities are endless.

I’ll end by saying: I’m a lover, not a fighter. So please categorize yourself into one of these groups so I can be on your “God, I love that Susan Mercedes” list. Or remind me of another category I should add to this list. I’m always opened to adding more love in my life.

Sure, I could give you the standard list…which is all true but kind of boring. My kid, family, friends, health, laughter, blah blah blah.

But that isn’t my style. Nope. Not today.

My superficial list begins with three things: driving fast, intimacy and wine.

And not necessarily in that order. And by intimacy, I mean something harsher. But I’m trying to keep it clean people.

I would have a hard time giving up any of these things. Well, giving them up for a long period of time would be tough. Clearly I give up drinking during the hours I work and sleep. And intimacy when I’m super single. And driving fast when I’m parked.

There. I have restraint.

But life is short. Enjoy it. If there are things that make you happy, then indulge.

What can you not live without?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz time!

Shaking my head and dancing to loud music was the only way I got to work today. You know why?

Because once again I chose not to sleep. I love doing that when it involves fun. However I’d rather not do it two nights in a row. But obviously that’s a lie. Because I did it. Fun can suck it sometimes.

You know what they say? And by “they” I mean those random voices that make up our boundaries and rules in life. They say that driving on no sleep is like driving drunk.

Well today I drove drunk to work. The upside: I didn’t consume any extra calories by way of alcohol, I don’t reek of liquor, I’m not slurring and I haven’t stumbled down the hallways.

Hoping there is a nap in my future. As it appears right now, work life won’t allow that today.

Then it started. Yep. Snow. Sunday night.

As I did the “drive of shame” on Monday morning…

Did I just say “drive of shame”? I’m 37 and I drive. That is hardly worthy of the “of shame” comment. Usually one walks for those. And feels shameful. I didn’t do/feel either.

Back to the drive…I was in a car that doesn’t do snow. It barely does rain. I got almost all the way home and bam. I was stuck mid intersection. At 7:15 am. It was not a place I could park and walk. I was literally in the middle of where two streets cross. Luckily a lovely lady named Deanna stopped and asked if I needed help. I held back the tears and said yes. Keep in mind, I literally rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, pulled on a tank and sweats. Thank god I had access to my extra running shoes versus the flip flops I wore originally.

We called over another guy in the neighborhood who was eager to help us. Of course, he also mentioned four times that the tires on the car were horribly bald. At that point, what was I supposed to do? Seriously, I wasn’t in a position to order new tires and have them installed before we moved the car out of the intersection. I got it…the tires suck.

Eventually we parked the car on the side of the road. The lady gave me a ride home. I got ready for work. Then I realized…this weather isn’t all bad.

I’ve got a working hot tub. Which would have been perfect if I was heading up the canyon to ski like the line of cars in the picture below. Fresh snow. Fresh hot tub. Heavenly.