Because when you order take out and you ask for extra spice, you will get this:

FOUR HUGE CONTAINERS OF RICE! And when I say huge, I mean it. I swear each one was stuffed full and weighed five pounds.

Clearly the order taker heard “we’d like extra rice” versus the intended “we’d like extra spice”.

So blame me if crazy things happen that can be traced back to the price of rice in China. And please, don’t tell Dr. Atkins what’s in my fridge. He’d have a heart attack.

I love to gamble. I love to drink wine. I love food (especially food I didn’t cook).

I booked a trip to Vegas, partly because I wanted to enjoy the loves of my life. But mostly because of these people.

Me, Mike, Suz
at Cut in Las Vegas

We ate at the most amazing restaurant, Cut. It was one of the best dining experiences I’ve ever had. I’ve been there one other time (in 2008) and said the same thing. Un-fucking-believable!

Pairing is an art. When you get the perfect pair, life is grand. I learned this on my recent trip to Vegas.

For instance, when gambling I love to see 8’s paired up (when the dealer shows a 7 or higher). I love to split them…like a hooker. This term is explained in my recent post Like a Hooker. I won money on this trip. Paired up 8’s helped, but discovering the term “like a hooker” made it a complete success.

Another example of pairs is when finding wine. I love to have it perfectly paired with my meal. Cut’s Sommelier had to help us select a wine. Fuck, the list was huge. And our choices started at well over $200 per bottle. Many bottles cost over $1000. I can’t deal with that. My taste is so much less discriminating. Plus I had been drinking cocktails for several hours prior to dinner. Anyhow, I still can appreciate a lovely wine paired with my meal.

This pairing up idea even works with food. I love to eat food that pairs the perfect flavors together to cause a party in my mouth. Cut did this. The food was flawless.

But the best pair of all…Suz and Mike. They are married. They met in law school.

Suz picked the perfect husband, Mike. And by perfect, I mean perfect for her. He’s far too hung for me. (I kid, I have no idea.) They are the healthiest married couple I know. And by healthiest, I mean in the married sense. Sure they eat healthy, but that’s not what I mean. I admire them.

Suz has been my dearest friend who I’ve known for 20 years. We met in college right before our freshman year. Obviously we stayed friends long after college.

Cheers to Suz and Mike, the perfect pair! I love you guys. xo

And what post talking about pairs couldn’t mention boobs. Yep, they are also the perfect pair. Trust me on this one.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

I was having lunch with some friends yesterday and one of them mentioned chicken nuggets. (We were NOT eating at a place that served chicken nuggets.)

This has always been something that bothers me. “Chickens don’t have nuggets!”, I said.

One of the people at the table assumed I was talking dirty and was using the term nuggets for balls. I wasn’t. I had to convince him I wasn’t talking dirty. So I gave him another example of make believe food….

Buffalo wings!

After lunch was over, I couldn’t stop thinking about this. Why is there food named after fake parts? As in, you want some pork buttons or beef thumbs?

This makes me crazy. Eating wings does not.

I think I found the way to live life to the fullest. It involves Jello shots. In fact the entire plan revolves around them. Here’s how I’m doing it:

• Eat jello shots. Shut up, jello is food. In fact, jello shots are food and alcohol mixed.
• Carve cooking out of my life since I will skip all real food and replace it with Jello shots. This is helpful since I don’t cook.
• Have a constant buzz. Easy to do when I’m not eating real food.
• Enjoy long nails and healthy hair. Jello has gelatin in it which is great for nails and hair.
• Drop any extra weight. Hell, Jello shots are portion controlled. And I think I could even use sugar free which has no calories. Obviously I’d double up on the alcohol since I need calories to survive. Duh.
• I’d never be hungry. Mainly because I could eat anywhere since these little molds travel well.
• I’d be more environmentally friendly by never using my dishwasher. I wouldn’t be using any silverware or dishes. Just those little paper/plastic cups. Fine, I use the recycled ones.
• I will have a lot more disposable income since I won’t need to eat out anymore.

That's me passing out this life changing tidbit at a party. J-E-L-L-O shots!

Here I am after enjoying these tasty treats along with my partner in crime, @h0neyb (Melissa). We had too much fun!

(Second photo is really small and I have no idea why.)

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

But I would NEVER expect a restaurant to go through the pain and expense to keep hair out of food like this one did.

Poor little shrimp.

I had no idea shrimp had hair. But I’ve never looked at a shrimp naked. Well, I have but it was a guy who was, uhm sma…nevermind.

Am I the only one who automatically thinks of waxes when I hear or see the word Brazilian?

I was starving so I went to the cupboards.  Here’s what I’m faced with.

Then suddenly I realized I was no longer HUNGRY! Well at least not for food.  

For only $.40!

Oddly, up until the word “oddly”, my word count was 69.