My neighborhood likes them big. We even sell them.

– Posted from my iPhone

I’m much better at using my mouth than I am with using my fingers. Clearly I’m referring to the use of words.

I’m a talker. That’s what I’m good at. On the flip side, I’m the ultimate misuser of written words. Often I fuck up punctuation, emphasize the wrong word or leave out a word or explanation meant to help with context. This can cause confusion in written conversations. Simply stated: MISINTERPRETATIONS!

Here’s a recent IM chat that went horribly wrong. Thankfully it was quickly cleared up before crazy rumors started flying around town.

Conversation is slightly modified to protect the identities of others and the innocent.

Susan Mercedes: Big news…just got it.

Susan Mercedes: Elle is going to be a big sister!

Friend: WHAT?

Susan Mercedes: yep, due this spring.

Friend: WHAT?

Susan Mercedes: They [Elle's dad and stepmom] are having a baby.

Friend: Dude, I thought you meant you and I was panicking.

Susan Mercedes: NO!!!

Susan Mercedes: funny!

Susan Mercedes: that’s really funny actually.

Lesson here: Always share significant information in person. Or be sure the message is clear before ending the conversation.

The upside (because there always is one)…there are worse offenders than me.

I hate Facebook. I’m rarely on it. However some people idiots use it the wrong way and end up on Lamebook. It’s a website created from real Facebook walls posts and put in one place to show all the crazy shit that is out there.

Here’s one of my favorites:

See how Damien left that comment wide open for interpretation (or misinterpretation rather)? Michael read it, added an animal and made a joke. I like Michael.

And just to set the record straight. I am NOT pregnant. And I don’t think Damien is really fucking sheep. But I do know that Michael is funny.

Sitting in a bar the other night I saw quite a sight. A couple walked in. The were dressed identical. They were with a group of people yet managed to be the only twinned duo.

And if dressing alike wasn’t silly enough, they opted to wear white pants, pink polo shirts and white sweaters tied tightly around their necks. The looked like they walked out of a country club in the Hamptons back in the 80’s.

And the only reason I noticed them, since they sat right behind me, was the reactions from all the people I was facing. I actually saw camera phones casually snapping shots. So I joined them with a little over the shoulder action.

I’m sure these people are lovely and kind. But after the age of 12, dressing alike looks more like a costume. And that doesn’t work unless it’s October 31st.

– Post From My iPhone