If you’ve had sex here then you’re automatically a member of the Mile High Club. I joined years ago. More than once. Lots of travel and transatlantic flights helped my membership to this club.

In this photo I’m backed up against the wall and holding the camera up to the ceiling. I’m about 5′ 3″ and I can touch the ceiling.

Being in here now, I can’t imagine how it worked back then.

Maybe now I’m just a germaphobe and can’t imagine sitting my bare ass up on that metal sink.

Or maybe I’m just too sober.

Or maybe they started making these airplane bathrooms smaller.

Or maybe now I’m no longer up for crazy fun.

Whatever it is, I plan to conquer this adventure again. First I need to pound several stiff drinks, grab a slim guy, put on a body condom and jump in.

Are you a member of the club?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I have high hopes for you. Monday totally let me down. Then kicked my ass.

Tuesday, I realize that you have a busy work day planned for me. I can handle that. But please don’t kick my ass like Monday did.

And you also give me hope. Having a 1.5 hour massage scheduled will help you seem less like an ass. And dinner with friends at my house tonight helps even more. And the best part about you Tuesday, my friends are cooking for me. I will do my part. And by my part, I mean open and pour wine. It’s what I’m good at. Oh, and eating.

Thanks for being gentle.

Much love,

Susan Mercedes

P.S. Please tell Monday that yesterday was Global Orgasm Day and I did my part. Sure, it was by myself. But it was epic. Thanks again for being so sweet.

xo

I’ve got a question for you.

There is something I enjoy doing alone. Really enjoy it. On the flip side, I’d much rather do this with another person or even several people. It’s just better that way.

It’s drinking! I don’t mean when I’m on a traveling alone, because I enjoy drinking then. But I’m usually in a hotel bar chatting it up with others. Which really isn’t alone. And I don’t mean when I’m pouring vodka over my Cheerios in the morning. Wait…that’s silly. I don’t even like Cheerios.

So here’s my question to you….

Do you drink alone?

On a normal weeknight, I have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. Then perhaps I’ll pour one more after Elle goes to bed.

If I have people over, I have a couple of glasses with dinner. Then an unlimited amount after dinner. Then more after Elle goes to bed.

Why is that?

Do you have a preference? Shall I clarify that I mean preferences when drinking. Because we all know that sex is better when we’re not alone.

Wino Wednesday…this weekly feature is designed to share my wine alcohol related stories.

• you’re sick.
• you need to turn your gigantic king size mattress.
• you want an easy way to turn down an admirer simply because you’re not interested.
• lightbulbs in your vaulted ceiling need to be changed.
• you want to grill. Or in my case, you want any food cooked at home.
• groceries need to be carried in.
• your razor blade is really dull, but his isn’t.
• you want to have passionate loving sex, not alone.
• there’s a thunderstorm in the middle of the night.
• you need a hug.
• you need a bottle of wine opened after a major arm workout with your trainer.
• you want to know if you really snore.

What would you add to the list?

I realize that many of these things have nothing to do with having a significant other in your life. Friends can also be in our life to support us. They always seem to make life happen. Without them, we’d be lost.

Cheers to friends!

Do you know your purity score? You can take the 200 question test here. I’ve taken it twice and my score is below 50. Far below 50. Like much lower. The higher the number, the more pure you are. I’d like to think I’m adventurous.

Or that I WAS adventurous in my younger days.

On that note, where’s the craziest place you’ve ever done it? Take this poll to share. Or comment your wacky places and stories. No pictures please.

I have added my own comment explaining why I can never be an environmentalist. It sucks. But it’s the truth.

Wanna save the earth? Start by taking off your pants. Here are 10 tips on how to save the planet, one orgasm at a time.

10. Wash and re-use the same condom. The fact that they feel like intestines to my fingertips prevent me from doing that. You may ask: How do you know what intestines feel like? Well you know how sausage is put in casing (aka intestine wrap). Yeah, I used to peel that off because I didn’t know why it was there. Since I’ve just stopped cooking sausage.
 
9. Can’t find a condom? Re-use a plastic water bottle. Ouch. Although it’d be ribbed. But ouch. Not an option.
 
8. Do it in the back seat of a Prius. Mercedes are really more my style.
 
7. Bike or walk to your next booty call. I’m not really the booty call type. However, that would be awkward if I’m wearing a sexy little number. I live near some busy streets and it would cause some rumors about my ‘job’ choice. Plus this one is ruled out by my lazy ass.

6. Instead of picking up a new girl at a party, bang the one you hooked up with last week. It’s recycling. Obviously, I’m not recycling women. But men…sure I’ve recycled. I often call that a relationship. But whatever.
 
5. Don’t shower until after sex. You can’t smell anyone or anything when you’re three sheets to the wind. Plus I can’t imagine sleeping with someone who would require me to need a shower. Oh wait, there was that time back in college.
 
4. Reduce your carbon emissions by auto-erotic asphyxiation. That shit scares me.
 
3. Use a dildo on her instead of a vibrator. Not near as pleasing. Are batteries really THAT bad for the environment?
 
2. Turn out the lights when you have sex. It saves electricity and no one will see your third nipple. Don’t you need lights for the camera propped up on the nightstand?
 
1. Don’t just hug a tree. Fuck one. My yard only has pine trees. I gotta pass on that one.

So now you all know. I can’t even save the world by having green sex. Well, I’ve got to get back to drinking my bottle of water, turn on a few lights in my home and jump in my car and drive to work.